They hadn’t seen each other in over five years. So, was it chance that they were both seated at Howard’s Dinner Spot, lonely and thinking? Or was it chance that they both moved towards the refreshment bar at the same time?…
“An unsweetened ice tea, please.” She looked up with her glass in hand to the man standing at the opposite end of the long wooden bar, and there he was. An older version, but much more handsome with age. She almost couldn’t believe it. How could it be him? She questioned her own eyes. Blinking them twice for reassurance. Hadn’t he moved to Penn after high school? She wondered why he would be back here. He had been so eager to get away, or at least that’s how she had remembered it. The sight of his two-door mustang flying back down her driveway blurred across her vision. Her thoughts felt scattered. She was only here for a visit herself. School was starting back up in the fall, and she had to be back on campus early for her classes….
He almost froze with shock as he saw the familiar figure walking toward him. Having thanked the man who handed him his drink he had turned and…found not at all what he had been expecting. He had pulled into this place, eager for a bite to eat before he followed the road up to his parents’ house. They were moving into a smaller place and had asked him to come back to help, and to go through some of his old things. That’s funny, he thought, he was sure she would have turned up in some of those old memories, but never like this. His eyes drank in the sight of her. As lovely as ever, yet she seemed more worldly than the last time, some six or so years before. She was coming toward him slowly, watchfully. What would he say? His thoughts caved in on one another. What did he have left to say to her? It was she who had broken him in those early years. She who had all but forced him to move out of state, and more so, move on with his life. She was in front of him now, and he watched as her eyes made their way towards his and her lips whispered a soft, “Hello.”…
She waited for a response. Uncertainty began to needle in like a desperate man pressing his way through a cluster of strangers. Would he reject her or was he just taking time to think? Her cheeks rosied themselves when finally, he nodded and motioned them both toward a nearby booth. She sat herself down and sipped on her Dr. Pepper, welcoming the cool liquid as it soothed her suddenly parched throat. Glancing up, she found his gaze fixed on her. His eyes unmoving, his face unreadable. She couldn’t help but wonder what was going through his head…
How could this have happened? he thought, hating himself for the way he enjoyed the blush that crept along her neck and into her cheeks. He swore he would never have to see her again. Just looking at her flooded him with the same warmth and weighted emotions that had always affected him whenever he was in her presence. He saw her squirm beneath his skewering glare. Telling himself to relax a bit, he shifted his glance to her left hand. Empty. That was a surprise. “How have you been?”
“I’ve been good, thanks. How about yourself?” He was surprised by her stilted response, but then again, it had been a long time. Hadn’t it? Still, somehow, he felt like a gangly teenager all over again sitting beside her in the back of the van on their way to some youth event. He, isolated in a world of music, and she daring enough to try and draw him out it. “Actually, things have been better than I could have hoped for. I graduated from Penn State and have been working in a studio as a sound technician slash music producer.”
“Oh wow, that’s great. You still writing your own stuff?” The way she said it made him wonder if she was thinking about the cd’s he had made for her back in high school. “Yeah, I’ve got a few things in the works. That’s kinda been on the back burner for now though.”…
She was surprised by that. In her mind, he had been picked up already by some label and was on the road with his music, like they had always talked about. Not that she thought of him that often. Anymore. For a while there, after he had left, she hadn’t thought of him at all. But even dead things leave behind their trail of memories. “What about you?” She saw the way his eyes silently delved in for more. He had always been like that. Present. Patient. In a way that made you want to tell him everything. “I decided to go for my masters’ in education, so I still have a few years left. A friend and I are both working as teacher aides at the same place we interned at back in Tennessee. I’m hoping to stay on there as a full timer after I’m done with school. It’s been a really great work environment and the students are amazing.”
The conversation continued, and from an outsider’s view the scene was a quaint one. Almost charming. Like old friends getting to catch up after a long holiday. But although they shared the same table, the separation between this particular couple was felt keenly by both parties. Internally, it was as if they were standing on two distant mountains shouting across at one another. Indeed, they were both aware of the space between them and even more aware of the reason for it. The reason behind why they hadn’t seen each other in so many years. But perhaps she was the one who felt it the most, and therefore decided it was up to her to do something about it.
She stood up and saw his features filling with doubt. Maybe it hadn’t been such a good idea, but there was no going back now. Her hand was still extended, her words still ringing in the chasm between them, “Dance with me…please?” “But no one else is dancing?” Although his words hesitated, she noticed he had already gotten to his own feet and was allowing her to lead him out on to the makeshift dance floor. Telling her heart not to make it a bigger deal than it was, she turned into him and clasped her hands with his. “Perhaps they are just waiting for someone to go first.” She kept the space between them modest, and all he did was nod again. The song that came on next was one she had heard before. In fact, if she told all, it was the very one she had secretly labeled as “their song” before it all went downhill and he ended up leaving. The two of them swayed softly, and as she listened to the words again, she couldn’t help but still think it was a good fit. Though she was sure he would disagree. It reminded her of why they had gone their separate ways. All he had ever wanted was for her to stand by him, but she couldn’t. Not back then. It wasn’t that she hadn’t wanted to, more so that she hadn’t known how. Of course, she had only come to this realization herself after it all had fallen apart and time and distance had given her a fresh perspective. What would he say if I tried to explain? She wondered; would he even try to understand?…
As he moved with her across the floor, and listened to the song that he had never liked, he allowed all the memories to come back. All the hurt, the doubt, and the fear that he had pushed to the back and buried deep, resurfaced. But this time it washed over him like a restless wave, crashed against the shore of his mind, and then fizzled back into its steady rhythm. The song picked up, and without much thought, he spun her into his arms gently. As he held her closer, he knew this was where he wanted to be. He knew this would always be the one place he truly felt himself. Here, with her. It wasn’t that the hurt was suddenly gone. The pain of the past was a scar not so easily forgotten. But he felt it a little less. They began to move comfortably together, settling in to each other. He heard her sigh as she laid her head onto his shoulder. His heart clenched in his chest. What had brought her here to me today? He asked himself. His mind drifted back to the day he had told her he would be waiting for the day when she was finally ready for him. And suddenly he realized that she had never been ready, even when he had pushed her and threatened to leave. When he did leave, he had thought it was the best for both of them, and maybe it had been. But they were here now, together. Was she finally ready? He stopped them both, and waited until she pulled back to look at him. Her eyes questioned him, and he knew there was so much he wanted to ask her. He wanted to know how she felt about him that day when he had left, or in the years after he was gone. How she felt about him right now. He searched her face looking for answers, but saw only the vulnerability there. His words left him, and all he could do was lower his forehead to hers, close his eyes, and finish the dance. For now, it was enough to have her standing beside him. To hold her within his arms until the song came to its end, and they could begin again.
